Reviewing games isn't really my thing, but like a washouted celebrity, I figure I might as well try my hand at something unfamiliar. I'm sure the abject failure will be entertaining for all.
I have been interested in doing game reviews, since those seem to get the most pageviews, but since I don't play that many games I would run out of things to say quite fast. But I figure I can get a few reviews out of the few games that I have played.
Edgeworld is an online game, run entirely in-browser, along the lines of Farmville. Except instead of growing crops you're demolishing the hopes and dreams of all that dare to dream to thrive in a cruel, alien world. Think Farmville crossed with Starcraft.
|That analogy probably lost me all the serious gamers...|
Unfortunately it doesn't take long for the game to go downhill. The higher level you get, the longer and longer upgrades take, with some taking up to a day to complete. This is all par for the course, but the jump is surprisingly immediate. Certain buildings start off with a forty minute upgrade time, and within two or so level's you're waiting several hours.
The problem is that the increase in time investment happens well before the player is invested. There isn't anything about the game to keep the player coming back once the time spent waiting becomes unbearable. And while this is meant to get the player to start paying, the game just isn't fun enough to justify spending money on it.
Combat is handled by warping to another player's base, selecting the units to send into battle, and letting the computer handle the rest. While it's amusing for a bit to watch a browser game render some decent looking graphics, the lack of control means Edgeworld fails to appeal to the kind of RTS fan it seems to be marketed towards. Somehow in trying to make a browser game for RTS fans, they ended up with the purest form of torture for that kind of gamer. You're forced to sit, watching the AI control your units, unable to intervene in any way. Did no one realize how much of a nightmare this is for the kind of micro-managing players this game would attract?
|Behold, the face of fear.|
|You will build nothing else.|
But even that is small beans compared to the fact that eventually you'll just grow bored with the game. Spending a whole day waiting for your tower to upgrade sucks all the fun right out of the game. And before you bring up the micro-transactions, no, because I refuse to spend money like that. If game developers want my money they should say, "I want your money, here, have an awesome game." To which I would say, "Why thank you straightforward sir, I would gladly part with my money for Volleyball Hotties 7."
|You, on the other hand, can suck it.|
|Screw it so hard.|